A poem by Renae Fouttit
I dreamed a dream one night in bed
Of underpants; blue, black and red
Of every style, shape and size
And suddenly I opened my eyes
Something had to be done!
About my undies collection…
I jumped out of bed and walked towards
My overflowing underwear drawer
I opened it up and sighed a long sigh
And looked in quite cautiously, curiously, carefully
Wondering what I would see
I have my favourite pairs, you see
Because they fit me perfectly
They stay on top for easy access
But what lay underneath caused stress
Underpants of every kind!
Colours and patterns that blew my mind!
Boxers! Y-fronts! What was I thinking??
G-string! V-strings! (I had a sinking
Feeling that I must have been drinking
When I bought those shrinky slinky things…)
Granny undies bought for me over the years
By my Russian Nanny (bless the old dear)
Pairs I wouldn’t admit that I own
They’ll NEVER be seen, and NEVER be shown!
I came across my underwear
For occasions that are spesh
And further down I stumbled upon
The silk, the satin, the mesh
Which do I chuck? Which do I keep?
By this stage I was ankle deep
This exercise had become insane!
I had to start culling and chucking and throwing
And tossing and hurling my undies away!!
Exhausted, I was, after all this kerfuffle
And I seemed to be finally done
I had reached the bottom of my drawer!
And actually, it was quite fun!
Neatly I folded the undies I’d kept
I sorted by preference with ease
And when I was done and my draw was just full
I sat back and smirked and was happy and chuffed
And delighted and really quite pleased!
It felt so good for me to cull
My excessive collection of jocks
Perhaps next week I’ll dare to venture
Into my drawer of socks!