I dream of Undie

A poem by Renae Fouttit

I dreamed a dream one night in bed
Of underpants; blue, black and red
Of every style, shape and size
And suddenly I opened my eyes
And realised
Something had to be done!
About my undies collection…

I jumped out of bed and walked towards
My overflowing underwear drawer
I opened it up and sighed a long sigh
And looked in quite cautiously, curiously, carefully
Wondering what I would see

I have my favourite pairs, you see
Because they fit me perfectly
They stay on top for easy access
But what lay underneath caused stress

Underpants of every kind!
Colours and patterns that blew my mind!
Boxers! Y-fronts! What was I thinking??
G-string! V-strings! (I had a sinking
Feeling that I must have been drinking
When I bought those shrinky slinky things…)

Granny undies bought for me over the years
By my Russian Nanny (bless the old dear)
Pairs I wouldn’t admit that I own
They’ll NEVER be seen, and NEVER be shown!

I came across my underwear
For occasions that are spesh
And further down I stumbled upon
The silk, the satin, the mesh

Which do I chuck? Which do I keep?
By this stage I was ankle deep
This exercise had become insane!
I had to start culling and chucking and throwing
And tossing and hurling my undies away!!

Exhausted, I was, after all this kerfuffle
And I seemed to be finally done
I had reached the bottom of my drawer!
And actually, it was quite fun!

Neatly I folded the undies I’d kept
I sorted by preference with ease
And when I was done and my draw was just full
I sat back and smirked and was happy and chuffed
And delighted and really quite pleased!

It felt so good for me to cull
My excessive collection of jocks
Perhaps next week I’ll dare to venture
Into my drawer of socks!

Life Lessons With Reg

Lingerie Limericks by Emma Kate and Michael Hall; Danielle and Gillian Castray

Part 1 Reg

There was a young man who wore undies.
His mum told him they were called “grundies”.
Although he was thirty,
they got very dirty.
Which is why they get washed on Sundies.

Part 2 Paulini

There was a hot chick called Paulini.
Who always wore her bikini.
Reg thought she was hot.
But he, so was NOT,
So she sped off with his Lamborghini

Part 3 Life’s Lessons

So here’s the point of the story.
Soiling your undies is gory.
It’s not cool to flirt,
If you are a squirt,
Bikini girls get all the glory